It is one thing to deal with the reality of divorce. That can be painful for the couple, because no one wants to fail on a vow to live together “until death.”

Even when it’s an amicable and mutual split, divorces are often tough on people’s minds and emotions. And adults are supposed to be well-equipped for this.

So can you imagine what it might be like for children?

The time may come when you have to tell the kids about an impending separation or divorce. The news will be hard to take and will likely be a shock. So much so, that some studies have shown that this kind of life-changing announcement is one of the few that is never forgotten by children, no matter the age.

There is no way to make it easy on children that they will eventually forget about it on their own. Knowing that, how might you approach the news about divorce with your children to make it as painless a memory as possible? Here are a couple tips:

Plan Out the Talk

Before you decide to have the talk with your children, make sure to plan it out – even have a set date of the split. Do not approach it when you are “thinking” about divorce; be decisive that it will happen, then have a discussion about what to say and when to say it.

Be Available Post-mortem

Part of the key of when to have the talk is to discuss it with your children at a time when both of you can be available afterward to address questions and to be there to comfort them. The kids will need hugs and comfort to deal with conflicting emotions.  Do not tell your kids when on the way to school or work, or right before bed.

Be Unified

Have the talk with your children together. This will make it more comforting for the children to see that both parents are doing what is in the best interest of the children. This also helps you both tell the same story and give the same information to the children so there is no need to repeat information later.

Be Honest

Be prepared for a lot of questions, especially if your kids are older (7-8 years and older). You may not have to give the children details, but be open to the questions and answer them with as much candor as possible.

Start the Healing

Resolving to divorce is probably the second-most difficult talk to have, behind only the talk with children about the breakup of the life they know. It’s difficult, but necessary to be open and honest as possible, but it can be hard to know how to broach the subject of divorce. When you contact a quality divorce attorney, he or she can help you develop the right strategy to ensure that your children do not suffer any more than is needed in an otherwise painful situation.