We’ve all been there while married friends or family are having it out with one another. The fighting can do more than grate on everyone’s nerves–it can be downright unbearable, and it can reduce the love we feel for one another to a different level altogether. The unhealthy marriage sometimes persists like a slow-moving but deadly virus, intent on destroying everything in its path. Sometimes, though, just like a virus, an unhealthy marriage isn’t as apparent as we might wish. It lurks beneath the surface, doing damage without notice. Here are a few common signs of an unhealthy marriage.

Whether you’re the one in the marriage, or it’s someone you know, one of the biggest indicators is where one turns for support. If your friend is venting his or her frustrations to you instead of a spouse, then perhaps the subject at hand isn’t the only problem. In the same way, if someone can no longer see a hopeful future or recall fond memories, then the marriage may be toxic. If there’s nothing fresh or new, and common interests are no longer shared, there is a problem.

Sometimes we think that addictive habits such as smoking or drinking are obvious, but some people are extremely good at hiding all the usual warning signs. These destructive tendencies can do even more damage to an otherwise salvageable relationship.

Most of us have experienced a situation or scenario in which we knew what the right thing to do was, but we did the opposite instead. Sometimes you can’t blame yourself or the ones around you. If the relationship has stagnated, then most of the time rational thought and actions will fall close behind.

A change in confidence can show the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. If you remember a friend brimming with energy, ready to get out there and take on the world, but is now a shut-in who never wants to do much of anything, it could mean that confidence is waning. Usually when this happens, it’s the result of who we spend the most time with and the effect they have on us.

Compromise is the backbone of any strong, lasting relationship. If a loved one can’t acquiesce just a little in order to make things better for the both of you, then your significant other might not have your feelings in mind anymore. This is something we don’t always notice in other relationships, but it happens often. Sometimes this shift in attitude seeps into the bedroom. A significant other may only care about his or her satisfaction, and can be forceful in obtaining it. This should not be tolerated. If counseling is not an option, then such a relationship should be quickly abandoned. Better things are on the horizon!